Those Heavy Days
by sky full of song
Summary: James and Lilys' story is one of great misunderstanding and mystery, only known through interpretations and memories as told by the friends, family, and enemies that outlived them - here is a telling of their story from their perspective starting at the crossroads of the fifth year of their education and beyond. Canon compliant.
1. Chapter 1

This is a short first chapter for a story I've been playing around with in my head for awhile now. When expanding this to a full story I'd like to stay in canon as much as possible, and character representation is really important to me. Please let me know your thoughts and if you'd be interested in reading more - and feel free to discuss any narratives/debate canon! I always like hearing different perspectives.

 **Gratuitous disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling and I don't own any of these characters or stories.

* * *

October 20, 1975.

Normally full of somber students studiously pressing their noses into their books; the library was peculiarly full of chatter that Monday afternoon. This was due to upcoming festivities for Halloween. The potions master of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Professor Horace Slughorn (an appreciator of the frivolous and fanciful) felt it was high time for adding just a little more magic into their regular Halloween feast. While not a full ball, this would extend the regular dinner and added a little dancing and music for the students in third year and older. Lily sat alone at table with her books trying to not pay attention to the idle gossip and commotion around her. She was able to do so successfully until Eleanor Summers, a Ravenclaw in Lily's year, appeared next to the table where Lily had stacked her study materials and stood waiting for her to acknowledge her presence.

When she didn't, Eleanor started to speak, "So do you have a date for the Halloween party yet? I would have thought _you_ would by now."

Lily ignored the obviously irritated and petty tone that Eleanor had taken. Everyone know Eleanor was a gossip, whose victims were normally people she found a threat to her social position: as a pure blood witch (although not as pure as some), and talented (although never top of a class), and pretty (although never most popular). This of course is a difficult position for someone as competitive and insecure as Eleanor most apparently was.

"Um, no," Lily said clearing her throat in a bid for time to think of how to escape any potentially hazardous topics. "No one has asked me to go and I'm not sure I want to go, so I haven't bothered looking for a date." This wasn't the truth, Lily had been asked by a number of boys but she hoped saying otherwise would discourage Eleanor to go further.

Instead, to her dismay, Eleanor raised an eyebrow in interest.

" _Really_? Maybe it's because all the boys are afraid of what Potter would do to them?"

She said this clearly and loudly for the purpose of catching the attention for a group of marauders lounging in armchairs by the fire. It was well known in the school that James Potter was her current since the beginning of the school year.

She succeeded in not only getting their attention but the attention of the other students in the room, whose chatter had died down to listen on the drama unfolding. While Lily had noticed James' attention from the start of their first year at Hogwarts, his interest in her had exponentially increased, parallel to the usual emerging hormones that occur at fifteen.

"Pardon?"

Eleanor contrived a look of shock and disappointment, "Don't tell me he hasn't asked you out yet – he's been tripping over his feet staring at you since the start of this semester."

Lily could see James in the corner of her eye awkwardly shift and return to face the fire. Realizing Eleanor wasn't just trying to get a scoop on any potential romantic interest, but rather was trying to embarrass her she started to move to pack her bags.

"I'm afraid to disappoint you but, no, he has not asked me out or to the party and I'm sure he would if he had wanted to. But like I said, I'm not sure I'm going."

Before Eleanor could add another comment Lily grabbed her bag, and excused herself in the most courteous manner she could muster.

She kept a quick pace as she walked through the corridor with her head down. _Really_ , _how did everyone become so nosey and rude over summer?_

Deep in her thoughts she didn't notice the shadow that had followed her out of the library that wasn't her own.

"Hey, Lily!"

She turned to see Severus catching up to her. They had both grown considerably over the last summer but he had now definitely surpassed her, standing a whole head taller. Now on the brink of being a young man Lily saw that it was apparent he was shaking off the air of innocence that children carry. It was to be expected she supposed, with a home life like his and sort of people he associated with. She couldn't help but worry about on what path he was heading, but she tried to keep it to herself – no point in making accusations and further alienating him.

"Sorry, didn't see you there."

"It's fine – just wondering if…," he paused, "if you'd be willing to finish studying the last herbology lesson with me? Since Sprout has that quiz due tomorrow."

"Er, I already finished my herbology revision…I was just going back to my dorm for a bit before dinner."

"Oh I see..."

He seemed to understand she didn't want to speak to him. Lily wished this needlessly awkward exchange would end.

"Well maybe I'll catch you after dinner?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. See you around Sev." She gave him a small smile before turning around and continuing her retreat to the Gryffindor common room.

She had felt like a bad friend for her recent persistent questioning of his loyalties while simultaneously not making any effort in their friendship. While able to clear her mind in solitude, sitting in the window of the tower of the girls' dormitory, she decided that she would make a point to find him after dinner and check in on how he was doing. Goodness knows he needed it.

Of course things never happen as planned, especially not in Hogwarts. Following dinner, Severus could not be found in or around the great hall. Lily didn't have time to look for him but when she did her patrol that night with the other school prefects she kept a look out for any sign of him. It was not as though he never disappeared, but she had an intuitive sense that something more was at play. While making her way back to Gryffindor tower she looked up out of one of the many large windows to see the bright pale light of a full moon flooding the castle. Perhaps, it wasn't intuition. Perhaps it was only the full moon causing the strange unease, she thought half-jokingly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Gratuitous disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling and I don't own any of these characters or stories.

* * *

The next morning before the start of Herbology, Lily couldn't help but overhear through the usual babble of fellow students, 'I heard it was Potter…" "Nah, this is just another practical joke"…"What do you think really is down there?"

She was used to hearing people talk about whatever Potter and his gang were up to, but what she heard next surprised her.

"This is all Severus Snape's fault." The words were spoken by a girl in Slytherin, named Polly Welch. Lily listened closer – perhaps she could find out what had happened that caused Severus to ditch her the night before. "His snooping down there caused us to lose Slytherins' lead! Now we're behind Gryffindor AGAIN."

Poppy's house mate, Josef Wallaby added in an annoyed tone, "Well that's no thanks to saint Potter acting the hero. I heard he was _given_ house points by Dumbledore. He was out after curfew too you know!"

James Potter? Receiving house points after an altercation with Severus? That's new, Lily thought to herself. Ever since their first meeting on the Hogwarts Express, Severus and James had no desire to be in each other's company longer than necessary and even when forced, neither one would make any serious attempt at being amicable. Quite frankly she couldn't understand it. Especially on Potter's part. He may have had more confidence than the average person, but he never did show signs of having any aggressive personality traits or even the more typical prejudice of affluent pure-blood witches and wizards. Look at his friends for instance - Remus Lupin's family wasn't well off by any means. Neither was Peter Pettigrew's, and certainly his overall lack in any discernible talent didn't stop James from associating with him. Maybe his friendship with Sirius Black was predictable seeing as they're both from very well-off pure-blooded families but Lily felt it wouldn't be fair to judge him on that basis. She couldn't forget the times that James would dismiss his privileges and pick up the burdens of those that were not so fortunate, including her own. She tried not to focus on those negative memories. Even "popular" Lily Evans faced derision for her lack of magical background.

She tried to focus on Polly and Josef's conversation, but was interrupted by Professor Sprout starting her short lecture before the quiz. Lily's eyes scanned the room to find Severus a few feet away. He looked at her without expression and quickly cut eye contact. Very strange. Her green eyes then moved over to a table with James by himself – that was also strange. Why wasn't he sitting with Black or Lupin? She couldn't help but think he looked unusually glum. Lily was shaken out of her thoughts when Sprout began passing out a slip of paper with 10 short answer questions. She glanced over them. What was three most common antidotes that use Mandrake leaves again? _Damnit_.

Walking out of the greenhouse Lily tried to catch Severus but he vanished somewhere in the throng of students. Instead Mary McDonald, who had been sitting next to Lily walked alongside her.

"Ugh there is no way I answered the last question correctly. Who even cares what the effects of dragon dung vs mooncalf dung are on Screechsnap!"

"Obviously Phyllida Spore did, since she took the time to write nearly a whole chapter on it."

"There was a chapter about it? Oh dear…maybe its time I take a crack at reading our homework."

Both girls laughed.

James Potter walked past the duo as they were heading back to the castle. Lily's mind went back to the conversation she had overheard.

"James! Wait up!"

She left Mary's side to catch up to him as he turned around and his face lit up.

"Good morning Evans."

"Been getting into trouble lately Potter?" She teased.

"Trouble? Me?! Never!" He smirked and ran a hand through his hair.

Lily smiled back. "I've been hearing otherwise."

"Well you shouldn't believe everything you hear." He smiled and turned to continue walking.

Lily was perplexed. It seemed as though James had no intention of sharing whatever had happened.

"I don't…I just heard something about you and Severus getting caught on the grounds last night that didn't end with you in detention and I couldn't believe it." She looked at him out of the corner of her eye as they walked together. "Care to elaborate?"

This time she could see a scowl on his face. "How about you ask him since you two are so chummy?"

"Oh please, you always make it sound like I'm betraying Godric Gryffindor himself by being on friendly terms with someone from Slytherin."

James laughed. "Honestly I couldn't tell you if I wanted to. You wouldn't believe me."

Lily was certain he wasn't going to share anymore than that and switched to making small talk about their summer. Apparently, James had spent it exploring Scandinavia with his parents as they were interested in the wizarding history of the region. James on the other hand seemed more excited talking about the Nordic National Quidditch Team which they saw play during their visit. Lily shared that her summer was spent in her hometown of Cokeworth with the exception of her family's 10 day trip to Como, Italy, doing very muggle things without any Quidditch or exploring ancient wizarding ruins. When they reached the castle they parted ways.

* * *

A little note on Lily and James' relationship: I know many take the memories of Snape as showing that Lily hated James, but I don't see that. I've always thought that while he obviously gets under her skin at times, and during scenes like "Snape's Worst Memory" we see her lashing out at him - it is similar to Snape having lashed out at her. That scene by itself could have been taken as Snape hating Lily but obviously Snape was carrying a huge torch for her. And considering how small the Hogwarts seems to be, with maybe only 10-20 students per house per year, (depending on the source), I'd imagine that Lily would be fairly comfortable in the Marauders' company. Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

**Gratuitous disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling and I don't own any of these characters or stories.

* * *

October 25th, 1975

The week passed with little change from how it had begun.

Severus hardly spoke to her, always appearing absent minded and stuck in another world. It wasn't worth even asking him about what happened. Still, it spread through Hogwarts; theories about what had happened a few nights before by the Whomping Willow.

By now the story was growing wildly out of hand. From what Lily could piece together from students she found most reliable, it seemed that Severus had gone down to the Whomping Willow, on a suggestion from Sirius Black who apparently had figured out how to get into the tunnel himself (not surprising since he and his group of friends made sure nowhere was off limits). Apparently, _something_ was living down there, probably a creature that wandered out of the forbidden forest. James, upon finding out what Sirius had done and knowing the dangers that they must have previously discovered, went in after him and pulled Severus out before it was too late.

Lily thought this was rather heroic and would have told him so, but after her initial conversation with him about it and seeing his behavior whenever anyone tried to bring it up she felt it was best to keep quiet. James seemed to want to just forget the incident ever happened.

Currently, to distract herself from all the questions she had swirling in her head, she sat with two other girls from her house, Marlene McKinnon and Gloria Aston, who were discussing the upcoming Halloween party.

"Oh come on, this is a little more than the usual banquet!" Marlene said teasingly poking Lily's side.

"I'm aware, although I don't see how that means I _must_ go with someone. This is just for a bit of fun, no need to take this so seriously. Professor Slughorn told me he had discussed with Dumbledore the need to have a distraction for the students. We all need something to take our minds off whats been going on outside of the Hogwarts."

Lily didn't want to mention the details out loud as they normally put everyone into a feeling of unease, but even with the little she'd said each of them knew exactly what she meant. _The Daily Prophet_ reported almost daily the disappearances, terrorist attacks, and murders marked with the sign of death and his friends hanging visibly in the air in the form of a skull with a snake slithering through its open jaw.

To divert their minds from going further along that path she joked, "Of course, it was an easy sell. I think the only person who loves a good party more than Slughorn is Dumbledore!"

"Look, regardless you still need someone to go with. _Everyone_ is going to be paired up and you'll look like Quasimodo in the corner all by yourself!" Gloria teased.

Marlene and Gloria already had dates. Seemingly everyone that was going had had someone they planned on going with for weeks in advance. Lily believed she might be the only person left without one.

"Not even Patrick Finnigan asked you? I thought that was what he was doing after I saw him talking to you before Charms the other day."

Lily shifted uncomfortably. She hadn't told anyone but she had a number of requests to accompany her to the party. She knew she'd never hear the end of it if she told her friends that she just simply wasn't interested going with any of them.

"You should just ask Potter, he'd love to go with you."

"If he wants to, he'll ask." Lily tried to make it sound final to not encourage this topic.

"Maybe he'd rather just pine in the shadows." Marlene joked.

They laughed, and Gloria began teasing Lily about James' apparent infatuation with her until Lily's face grew very red. Everyone saw him staring at her in class, and making sweet, friendly gestures like a love sick puppy. At least it seemed to somewhat change the topic about her reluctance to have a date for the party. But unfortunately for Lily the topic was not done for the day.

Late that night, Lily was sitting alone by the fire in Gryffindor tower, her Transfiguration homework piled around her. It was dark in the room as most students had already gone to bed. This allowed a figure walk over to where she sat without her noticing until they sat next to her on the sofa causing her notebooks and scrolls to slide.

"Oops sorry," said a familiar voice.

She looked up to see James Potter.

"It's fine, I should be going to bed anyway. Can't concentrate anymore." She made a move to pickup her things.

"You don't have to leave, if you don't want me here you can just tell me – I didn't mean to interrupt you."

"I'm not trying to get away from you," Lily laughed. Before she could think to stop herself the words tumbled out, "Are you okay?"

James seemed puzzled. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, its just lately you always seem to be alone."

He sighed. "I'm fine, just tired of dealing with others' stupidity."

"Are you talking about what Sirius did to Severus?"

His eyes moved from the fire to meet hers, "Did you talk to your little friend about it? What did he say?"

Lily felt frustration creep into her voice "No. And he has a name you know. The whole school is talking about it."

"Of course. No one can just mind their own business."

"Well I can agree with that."

They sat in silence for a moment staring at the fire. Lily felt comfortable sitting so close to James in the silence.

"Sorry, I don't mean to take out frustrations on you. Its just I can't believe that Sirius would do that. Its one thing to joke around but that was way out of line. Innocent people could have been hurt or even killed."

Lily looked at his face. The reflection of the fire danced on his glasses but couldn't cover the intensity in his hazel eyes. She felt sorry for him, Sirius and him were like brothers and it must be terrible to have had to confront him. She thought of how she could change the subject.

"Do you have someone to go to the Halloween party with?" _Why did you say that Lily_ she instantly thought.

James perked up. "No. I can't believe what you told Eleanor, I'm sure you've have plenty of blokes ask you already."

"Maybe." _What kind of answer is that Lily!?_ She was surprised he'd want to bring up that episode, but he seemed to have hardly heard her.

"Would you like to go with me?"

"Um." She knew this question from him had been inevitable yet she felt wholly unprepared.

"Or did you already say yes to someone else?"

"No!" she said quickly. "I mean…no, I don't really want to go at all."

"Oh, well if you change your mind I would love to go to the party with you. But if you don't want to go there maybe you and I could go somewhere else to spend some time together."

Lily felt her heart race. It was obvious he was suggesting more than friendly study sessions or something similar. She felt a strong desire to say yes but the word got caught in her throat. She always had a shyness to her, especially when it came to the idea dating and had never done more than accompany a boy with a group of other students to Hogsmeade a few times. Besides, she didn't even want to think of the gossip that would start if she said yes to James.

"I'll think about it," she said truthfully.

James seemed happy with that answer and gave her a grin, his eyes sparkling.

"Well its getting late. I'm off to bed and you should be too." He helped her gather the rest of her homework and started to walk to the boys' dormitories. Before he left he turned to her a looked her in the eyes and she felt her heart give another jolt.

"Sweet dreams," he said giving her a wink.

Lily was glad the room was empty, so no one could see her blush.


	4. Chapter 4

October 30th, 1975.

Lily was very concerned about her upcoming report due for Professor Binn's History of Magic class, causing the issue of who she would attend the Halloween party with to become less of a priority. Grades were much more important to her, something that Marlene could not quite understand. She figured that she would either accept James' offer or not go at all; simply attend the feast and then retire to the common room to finish her studies. Of course, she didn't tell James of these plans, she knew that if she said yes now she'd be forced to go – she hadn't expected that she'd be this indecisive. She shook her head _– no, no I'm not indecisive I'm just busy. Between classes that are exponentially harder than previous years and balancing new prefect duties. Not to mention the trouble Severus would give me if went with James. I'll speak to James tomorrow…But what do I say?_

She rested her head on her hands and stared out on the castle grounds from her view on a bench in the clock tower courtyard. Quickly she was pulled from her thoughts as she heard shouting coming from the covered bridge. She sighed supposing that she would have the responsibility to check on whatever was happening since she was a prefect. Hopefully McConner hadn't blown a hole through the old rickety bridge with another of Dr Filibuster's fireworks _again_.

But as she got closer to the commotion it sounded as though the problem was much more nefarious. Seth Avery pushed her forcefully back as she approached.

"Get out of here if you know what's good for you mudblood!" He said with malice dripping from every word, his thin lips in a sneer. He was a tall boy already at least a strong 188cm and could have done a lot of damage if he decided too. That didn't scare her though and as she continued to push through the crowd.

Luckily the scene was noted by Professor McGonagall who luckily had been passing by. She immediately pulled out her wand and shouted, "EVERYONE STAND BACK!"

A bright red light emitted from her wand with a large bang and the crowd of mostly Slytherin students edged to the sides of the narrow bridge.

Norman Mulciber stood opposite and between them lay the form of Mary McDonald, out cold.

A few students were chuckling, others stood with looks of horror on their faces.

"What happened?!" McGonagall demanded, not finding anything remotely funny about the scene. She knelt down to Mary and was relieved to find her still breathing.

The laughter began to fade.

"Nothing professor, just a little joke," said Avery (more the brains than Mulciber who stood stupidly, looking like troll).

"Harming other students is no joke Avery, what happened to Miss McDonald! Tell me at once!"

No one made a move to say anything.

"Have it your way. Lily," Professor McGonagall said noticing her and waking Lily out of a stupor of terror as she looked at Mary's form laying on the hard boards of wooden bridge. "Stay with McDonald while I fetch Madam Pomfrey. You," she said with fury in her voice directed at Avery, "follow me to Professor Slughorns' office. Mulciber, wipe that smile off your face - you're coming with me as well."

The crowd dispersed and McGonagal left. Lily sat by Mary's side. It was unnerving the way her eyes kept darting back and forth behind her eyelids and her hands and feet twitched. Thankfully Madam Pomfrey came hurrying over moments later clutching a large bag and holding on to her white pointed hat.

"I'll take it from here dear, just go on back to the castle."

Lily pulled herself away from Mary but couldn't help but to look back as she walked through the covered bridge and back out to the courtyard.

Having still been early in the day most students were heading to lunch in the great hall but Lily found herself to have little appetite after witnessing the attack on Mary. She didn't have to have see more than she did to know this was an issue of blood. It always was to Mulciber and Avery and their companions. Mary, like herself, was muggleborn.

"Lily!" Marlene rushed over, "Lily do you know what happened to Mary?" But apparently Marlene already knew as she rattled on, "I saw Pomfrey taking her on a stretcher to the Hospital Wing! Adam Davis said that Mulciber used some modified Tarantallegia hex on her and she danced until she passed out!"

"I caught the end of it. I didn't see what exactly happened." Lily doubted it was Tarantallegia that got Mary. It seemed much darker than that. She never knew of a dancing hex that cause someone to faint and twitch as though possessed after the hex was lifted.

After classes were finished for the day James Potter was sprinting down a staircase between the fourth and third floors when he almost ran right into Lily. She was heading to the common room from the hospital wing where she had just visited Mary.

"Hey there Evans! I was just looking for you!

"Why is that?" Lily knew why he might be looking for her.

"Thought we should discuss tomorrow."

"Look, I hate to ditch you but I can't go. Mary is in the infirmary and she probably won't be released until this weekend and I promised I'd help her with homework shes missed." She felt almost glad that her choice was made for her.

James' smile faded.

"Oh, did her mumblemumps come back?"

"No..." Lily stepped closer to James and spoke quietly. "Mulciber and Avery cursed her...I can't prove it but I think it was the imperious curse."

Lily didn't know why she felt she could share with him her real fears as to what had happened, but she was glad when she saw James become very serious and didn't laugh the possibility off as she was afraid others might.

"When did this happen?"

"Just this morning."

"Do any of the professors know? Does Dumbledore know?"

"I don't think so. Apparently they're saying it was just a Tarantallegia hex and it was all a joke."

James' face was hardened with anger for a moment but then he softly replied, "I'm really sorry to hear that Mary got hurt. You're a good friend for wanting to spend time with her."

Lily was glad he was taking the rejection so well.

His face turned back into a smile and said, "and my offer still stands."

"What's that?"

"That I'd like to spend some more time together, just you and me."

"Oh! Well I have to run - have a book to return to the library before it closes. Catch you later!"

Lily hurried off, but not before giving James an awkward but not unpromising smile.

 **Authors note** : So I feel the plot is moving a bit slow at this point. Their fifth year is really the only somewhat marked out storyline of James and Lily's life so I'm trying to make sure it stays on schedule. Of course we know the year ends with James and Lily's relationship in a pretty bad state...so we'll have to see how James messes this up, hah! As I said previously I want to show that Lily wasn't always mad at James. I think it's unfair to portray their relationship as a constant slapstick cat and mouse game. You could easily take certain scenes with Hermione and Ron and think they hated each other their whole time at school but that obviously isn't the case. Lily would have been a little wary of James by fifth year I think, in part because of how Snape talks about him and probably encourages her to keep a distance/tries to get between them. Maybe she fears her friend's judgement to some extant. Remember we only have his biased memories to go off of (not hating, I like his character). And of course there is James' teenage over confidence/arrogance. BUT they still shared a school house and strong, similar values much like the golden trio whose relationship also had rough patches.


	5. Chapter 5

October 31, 1975

The hospital wing was quiet. Lily sat at Mary's bedside, as she read aloud the study questions for the chapter they were currently going over in class. Her dark auburn hair fell around her face as she bent over her textbook. She wore a short green jumpsuit that complimented her green eyes, with tights and thin black sweater underneath. Always tidily dressed but surely underdressed compared to everyone gathered in the Great Hall downstairs enjoying what was sure to be magnificent festivities.

Mary was improving quickly from Mulciber and Averys' attack, but Madam Pomfrey insisted she stay another night. It was probably for the best. While she was sitting upright and able to focus on her homework, she still been hit with a few spells of dizziness and confusion that concerned the healer.

"Thanks again, Lily. You're a real life saver. I don't think my grades could afford me missing a class this year. Helps to have hand from an O level student!" Mary said cheerfully.

"Not sure about that, but I'm happy to give you a hand anytime you need one! You did the same for me that time I got the flu and missed Divination in our third year."

"But I wasn't missing a Halloween party, _and_ a chance to go with a Quidditch Captain on top of it!" Mary was the only person that Lily had told how Potter asked her to go with him. "Are you sure you don't want to go down for a little bit?"

Lily frowned, "yes Mary I'm very sure. It would just make everything a lot more complicated."

Madam Profrey walked by with a cart full of covered trays. Lily was a favorite of hers and was probably the only student she would allow to visit for this long.

"How are you ladies getting along with your studies? I imagine you could use a bit of sustenance!"

She waved her wand and the lids to trays floated away revealing goodies from the celebration that was taking place a few floors below.

"Thank you!" chimed Lily and Mary as they smiled and dug into the miniature feast before them.

A short while later Lily was heading back to the Gryffindor common room when Marlene shouted from a staircase below for Lily to wait up. She was wearing violet robes with puffy sleeves and had what any person would say was far too much makeup for her young face.

"Party can't be that good if you're leaving already." Lily joked.

"Just needed a moment away from Ernie, I swear that boy is part octopus." Marlene said laughing. Marlene started to follow Lily up the many moving staircases excitedly talking about all the happenings of the night. Lily was smiled and nodded through most of her friend's obviously drunk from excitement one sided conversation but was abruptly brought into focus by a mentioning of James Potter's evenings' interest.

"Eleanor Summers was undeniably the best dressed of the evening. You should have seen her! Her dress was _stunning!_ Of course one does always look better next to a certain Quidditch Captain who was looking particularly dashing himself!" Marlene looked sideways at Lily.

"Which one? Dominic?" Dominic was Ravenclaw's Quidditch Captain and someone most people regarded as a catch.

"No silly! Our very own Gryffindor captain, James Potter!"

Lily couldn't control the heaviness she felt in her stomach. She hadn't excepted this feeling of jealously. But how could she be jealous? He wasn't hers! She tried to shake the feeling.

"Potter and Summers? Of all two people I didn't think they would get along."

"Well they seemed pretty chummy. She kept throwing her arms around him and they've been laughing and talking all evening!"

Lily tried not to imagine the scene. It didn't make sense. Eleanor was so petty and unfunny, and James so the opposite.

Before getting further then the fourth floor Lily said goodbye to Marlene who wanted to return to the party which would only be continuing for another hour before curfew began.

Lily didn't bother to change into her nightclothes. She pulled her four-posters curtains closed and laid on top of her still made bed looking up into the dark and thought about the drama she could feel brewing. Her relationships with everyone around her had changed so much from when she first began her education at Hogwarts.

She remembered meeting James for the first time on the Hogwarts Express. Initially he struck her as a handsome boy and felt shy around him. He had been kind to her, seeing her upset from a recent argument with her sister, and invited her to sit in the compartment with him and his soon to be closest friend, Sirius Black.

But when Severus joined them her views of James changed in a quick instant. His nature quickly changed in his presence and showed an inconsiderate bratty arrogance that surprised her. When they arrived at the castle she refused to sit next to Black after the sorting hat placed them both in Gryffindor and equally ignored James when joined them. Later in the common room without Severus around James was back to gentler self, although Lily could see he had an apparent mischievous streak.

Her relationship with him was marked with confusion through the years. There were times when he was sweet James Potter, study companion and friend. Reaching out to her and all those around him with kindness and his characteristic bravery and loyalty ( _an exemplary Gryffindor,_ she chuckled to herself). Yet, there were other times he showed an ugly conceitedness. Mostly around certain Slytherins which seemed to bring out the worst in him.

And then there was Severus. Sweet misguided Severus. Sometimes when Lily looked at him she saw the nervous boy that first introduced himself to her, excited about their soon to be shared world of magic. But now he hadn't spoken to her in nearly a week. No longer reaching out to those around him looking for that shared magic. The world seemed to have stamped that from him, or more specifically his father. His father was a muggle who seemed to think he could stamp the magic (and spirit) from his only son and that would make him stronger, and better off.

More and more she saw Severus around Mulciber, Avery and others who embraced the purists ideologies on magical blood, as well as the use of dark magic as means to enforce it. Lily realized shortly after the beginning of their first year how far deep Severus was in the use of dark magic. It seemed he already knew incantations that made the other students uneasy and delved further and further into deepest darkness.

At the beginning for this year Lily glimpsed the notes that he wrote in his textbooks, they always had been full of his scribblings, but now were clearly curses and hexes. Lily couldn't help but feel uneasy. Did he not understand those he stood by wished to have her killed for being muggleborn? Still she held hope this was all a phase. Besides, his growing friendships with his more unsavory housemates had never stopped his kindness to her, and he always seemed willing to listen to her when she protested his beliefs. But then again, as of recent he hadn't been speaking to her at all!

Her mind went back to James, probably still downstairs enjoying the attention of Eleanor Summers. She felt the angry jealously begin to rise in her again. Bitterly she remembered that this was a boy who thought himself so funny for using a bogey curse in second year making everyone sneeze out greats amounts of green slime. And in fourth year on special Valentine's Day visit to Hogsmeade, bewitched snowballs to pelt passing couples _. Thinks he's so funny and entertaining!_

She grumpily pulled her bed covers up over her head letting the unhappy thoughts swirl and fell into an uneasy sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

I've been trying to put up a chapter a week, but this chapter has some bulk text from Snape's memories in _The Deathly Hallows_ , and because of that I kind of wanted to get it out of the way since we're all familiar with it. But I also didn't want to cut it out since it is important to the story.

 **Gratuitous disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling and I don't own any of these characters or stories.

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November 3, 1975

The castle grounds were looking particularly gloomy that Monday morning. During breakfast, with the usual flutter of wings, the morning post came descending down the Great Hall. A tawny owl dropped a small parcel into Lily's lap, it was a letter from her parents giving her their regular update about the goings on in their town of Cokeworth, as well as her sister Petunia's accomplishments in her typing course in London. She thought of having to write them later but couldn't think of what to tell them. It seemed that everything was going so well for everyone around her and here she was drowning in self-imposed melancholy.

She caught sight of Severus sitting with Mulciber and Avery at the Slytherin table. They were all looking rather serious and gloomy, as always. Did they ever laugh? Why did he want to spend his time with them? Severus made eye contact with her and gave her a smile which she returned with a frown and looked away.

It was just her luck - after the morning History of Magic class, the 5th year Gryffindors had double potions with Slytherin.

When choosing her seat, she walked purposefully past Severus who seemed to have saved a spot for her, just as they often had sat together when they took potions during the same period in 3rd year. She tried to ignore the disappointed look on Severus' face as she sat at an empty table a few rows past him, in the front of the class. But he wasn't alone for long as Mulciber and Avery soon joined him at his table making the three of them looking comically like henchman to some comic book villain.

She quickly regretted her seating choice though, as James Potter without hesitating or asking if the empty seat next to her was taken, promptly took it.

"Good morning Lily," he said, giving her an undeniably charming smile. She in turn curled her lips in something that could not quite be called a smile, but also not a grimace.

They didn't have time to chat before they were interrupted by their potions masters' voice saying:

"Ah now there is a dynamic duo if I ever saw one!"

Professor Slughorn had taken sight of Lily (who had always been his obvious favorite student) and James, who since his first year Slughorn had tried unsuccessfully to collect in his infamous "Slug Club" that was reserved for those students he found most talented, held the most potential, or had some famous background. He seemed quite happy at their apparent partnership. Once they had all started working on creating their Draught of Peace, he kept exclaiming to the classroom at various steps to watch how excellently they had performed the instructions.

During the class Lily kept the conversation polite and made no mention of the Halloween party or Eleanor Summers, and James seemed to hardly notice her current disagreeable disposition. After a very successful (and to Lily's surprise, peaceful) partnership, their potion was the first in the room to begin emitting the desired silver vapors.

Professor Slughorn walked over to admire their handiwork.

"What an excellent team you too make! I say - you two make a very handsome and talented pair!"

Lily blushed, and James smiled awkwardly at Slughorn's obvious insinuations.

Walking out of the class she was followed by a group of her fellow Gryffindors; Mary, Marlene, and Gloria.

Mary had obviously shared the details of Lily's situation with James with her fellow classmates.

"Now you have to go out with him! Didn't you hear how _cute_ and perfect you are together?" Marlene giggled.

"I didn't hear anything said about being "cute". And just because Potter isn't bad at potions does not mean I need to go out with him."

"Oh, so its Potter and not James? Why can't you just have some fun?"

They started walking to the Great Hall for lunch but Lily but had lost her appetite and left them at the magnificent oak doors to instead walk out into the castle courtyard. She did not find repose there. Severus had departed from his group as well, to follow her.

"So, you're talking to me again!?" Lily practically shouted at him, ironically before he could even open his mouth.

"You're the one who is avoiding talking to me!" He spluttered, a look of confusion on his face. What he said next made it obvious to Lily that he was oblivious to any problems in their friendship.

"I thought we were supposed to be friends? Best friends?"

"We are, Sev, but I don't like some of the people you're hanging round with! I'm sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber! Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he's creepy! D'you know what he tried to do to Mary MacDonald the other day?"

Lily turned and leant against a pillar and looked up at him.

"That was nothing, it was a laugh, that's all—"

"It was Dark Magic, and if you think that's funny—"

"What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?" His face looked furious as the conversation became more and more heated. Lily was appalled he would laugh off what had happened to her friend.

"What's Potter got to do with anything?"

"They sneak out at night. There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?"

She resisted rolling her eyes at him for bringing this up, yet again.

"He's ill. They say he's ill—"

"Every month at the full moon?" said Severus.

"I know your theory."

She didn't care to hear it again. She believed that even if Severus' theory was correct, that Remus had the right to privacy. Besides, Dumbledore would not have let him attend the school if they didn't have the situation under control. It seemed to Lily this was more of the "blood purity" nonsense that was being spread among Severus' housemates.

"Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?"

"I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are."

He had stepped closer to her - a look of possessiveness in his eyes that she had seen before. It felt as though his dark eyes were piercing her mind and he could read her conflicted feelings. She couldn't stop a blush from creeping up her face.

"They don't use Dark Magic, though." She said, trying to not let him escape the real issue. "And you're being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, and James Potter saved you from whatever's down there—"

Severus seemed at a loss for words in his anger and he struggled to speak.

"Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends' too! You're not going to—I won't let you—"

"Let me? Let me?"

She realized that he must have heard her conversation with Marlene. She glared him with her bright green eyes. He knew he went too far – Lily _never_ let anyone tell her what to do.

"I didn't mean—I just don't want to see you made a fool of—He fancies you, James Potter fancies you! And he's not...everyone thinks...big Quidditch hero—"

She stared at him as he struggled to make sense through his obvious burning hatred.

"I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag."

As the words fell from her mouth, she knew she was being unfair. But the bitter memories of James' childish arrogance and his vanity in spending the Halloween party with Eleanor (which could only have been down to her looks), were still all swimming in Lily's head which made her feel less bad about saying it.

"I don't need you to tell me that. But Mulciber's and Avery's idea of humor is just evil. Evil, Sev. I don't understand how you can be friends with them."

Severus' attitude seemed to lighten up. _Perhaps I've gotten it across to him._

They moved from the pillar and started walking further from the castle. Severus changed the subject to talk about their various classes and seemed to not want to touch upon his fellow Slytherins bad behaviors. Lily didn't feel much like arguing anymore so she didn't return to the subject either.

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 **Author's note:** Thank you so much for reading! I hope someone is enjoying this besides myself! lol Besides Snape's famous "worst memory" this is really the only text that will be taken from the series. Hopefully this doesn't break any rules in posting! If it does, I'll try and fix it by paraphrasing more, or something.


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